COVID-19 Thought Journal | May 21, 2020

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Today was Simon's last day on Earth 6 years ago.  I can remember that day.  It is amazing that each of his seven days are still distinct in our minds.  Certainly the blogs, photos and the videos help us retain those specific moments.  But the moments were little.  The days were slow.  We stayed cooped up in our house. The music we played was important.  The natural light through our windows was energy for our tired bodies.  Teddy was an escape - during and after Simon's life.  We wanted to see everything through his eyes, to put on his cloak of innocence.
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As I think back on this day, I feel like we knew it was nearing the end, but it was still a shock.  Nothing is more shocking than holding someone as they take their last breaths.  Nobody held Simon that day but Amy and me.  The rise and fall of his chest was more labored.  He was less hungry.  Less talkative.  We soaked him in as we soaked in the sunlight from our windows.  We cried mid-day - not with sadness or pity - but out of fear these moments would be over soon.
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My days now are so strange.  Work is very challenging, despite the fact that I occupy about a 10 sq. ft. space, and talk on the phone and stare at computer screens all day.  It is an emotional roller coaster.  Losses.  Wins.  Hard tasks.  Easy projects.  Planning for the unknown.  Listening to others pain.  Celebrating others good work.  Optimism about the opportunities ahead. Fear over the devastation in the economy.  I had a good day 2 days ago.  Reflecting on it, I know why.  I gave a lot that day.  I performed acts of kindness for others, and served their needs first.  I have to remind myself of this direction from Galatians 6:9, "..let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us.."
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Give again today.  Give and do not count the cost.  Fight and do not heed the wounds. (St. Ignatius)  Soak in the small moments.  Take the photos to remember (not to boast on social media).  Go outside.  Be present and let the world stand still.  Just as it did six years ago.

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