BALENTINE MEMOIRS

Wisdom is defined as competence with regards to the complex realities of life.  Gaining wisdom is much different than gathering information. Wisdom teaches you how to react to the information you have.  Wisdom offers a deep abiding joy, and steadfastness in the midst of a trial.  Wisdom can also draw forth a deeper sorrow amidst tragedy because of the ability it give you to see beyond the surface.  Information can be positive, but does it give you the endurance you need to run the race?  Or does it just give you the map? Wisdom tells me that happiness is temporary, fleeting.  Happiness is a decision on how to react to the circumstances right in front of you.  Teddy is an amazing example of reacting with either happiness or sadness to the thing that is right in front of his face.  Last night when we picked up Teddy at my parents house, we brought everyone some chocolate chip cookies that we could all share together.  We walked in my parents'...

We have answered a lot of questions over the past several weeks, but we also know that quite a few people don't feel comfortable asking us questions.  The subject matter is tough, and we get that.  Amy and I thought it would be interesting to come up with a few questions and then to answer them individually, so we could share our separate thoughts on a few topics on the blog.  Some of the questions are ones we have actually been asked, and some address things that what we think people may want to ask but don't.  We'll break it up into five separate posts since it would be rather long otherwise.  We are always open to questions.  We know others are grieving with us, and we can help one another on this journey with questions as basic as, "How are you doing today?" Question 1: Why the name Simon? Amy's answer: Adam and I both liked the name Simon before we were even pregnant the second time.  However, the nam...

God has been asking me to write further about Him speaking to me in our old church in San Francisco, so I am obeying and sharing so you can see where my heart was on February 2, 2014. The song that spoke to my heart was called Oceans by Hillsong .   I should mention that the band at Cornerstone is simply amazing – they often sound better than the originally recorded song.   Normally in the first few songs at Cornerstone, they ask us to rise and sing with them, but for Oceans, their opening worship song, they asked for us to sit and sing or just read the words silently as they sang to us.   It was a sweet time of worship.   I sang the words that would come out of my mouth behind the quivering voice and tear-filled eyes.   But my tears and my shaky voice weren’t coming from a sad place – it was joy.   I recall thinking, I’m not sad, this is thanksgiving to my Jesus.   It was like my thoughts had surprised me – they did, actually.   A wave of p...

Today we had two appointments which we were looking forward to and dreading at the same time.  We don't dread situations like these for any other reason than they force us to talk about things we don't want to talk about - things we never thought we'd talk about, especially now - like where and how we will memorialize Simon (funeral, burial, etc.).  We met with Patty, the found of Alexandra's House , early this afternoon.  Patty has an amazing heart for families with babies with fatal diagnoses, and she also has an amazing heart for Christ.  We had an awesome discussion with her, although it was tear-filled.  Alexandra's House should be a great resource for us to meet other families that have gone through, or are currently faced with the same situation. Amy and I had an hour to kill between Alexandra's House and our appointment with Amy's OB, so we sat and chatted at Starbucks.  Although we don't feel like we have made much...

I wanted to spend some time giving a quick update on how life seems to be settling in with our recent prognosis for Simon.  Life often feels like chapters, and this current reality has been no different.  There is life before knowing of Simon's illness and life after knowing of Simon's illness.  It is comforting to write that I wouldn't want to go back to the pre-Trisomy 13 Amy.  While she may have had more bounce in her step and less tears filling her eyes daily, she was a woman close to The Lord, but not nearly as close or faithful as she is now.  How else could we get through this without our Heavenly Father?  When my eyes start to blur and move away from Him, He nudges me and reminds me to lift my eyes to Him and allow Him to carry this for me.  Praise God because the weight of this is too far too heavy to shoulder alone.  I have been praying for God to use Simon in a mighty way to change other's lives.  It hit me, gently, while sitti...

Wide-eyed we step down the aisle Hand-in-hand, yoked as one, anxious smiles Unable to know what lies ahead Spared by grace, joy shields us from dread Those there on that day could not know Our vows of commitment promised sorrow But sorrow we know has little cost For Christ felt hell on a wooden cross Nothing compares to his crushing pain And we know his death was not in vain From death he rose in victory Love's greatest scars on hands and feet Now through suffering we have hope Because his embrace remains our yoke Now, with confidence, we confess Marriage promised no happiness It promised work and death-to-self Growth in spirt, not in wealth Remaining hand-in-hand, unified we form Rooted deep, braced for the storm