Q&A Part 4 (Adam)
Simon is
constantly teaching us lessons. What
recent lesson sticks out the most?
Adam's answer:
Adam's answer:
Trying to nail this down to one lesson is really hard. I have my eyes opened to new realities every
day. Simon’s life is such a precious gift and I'm overjoyed to be his dad. But his unknown
future causes suffering and pain. What
comes to mind right now is the lesson to embrace the emotion of the moment.
Most men have a natural desire to fight, fix or run in the face of an
impending threat or preeminent pain. I
can’t fix or fight Simon’s diagnosis, so what I’m left with is a decision between facing/embracing the pain, or completely avoiding it.
I’ve certainly responded both ways over the course of the last couple of months
since we’ve been on this journey. I know
what the right course of action is though, because the Spirit pulls me that way.
The right thing to do is be present, face it, and work through the
emotion and sorrow as it comes. This
means I sometimes end up showing tears, anger and confusion in front of other people. More importantly it means I take the tears,
anger and confusion to God and seek to process it all with Him.
Oddly, the same “fight or flight” struggle also shows up when we have the
opportunity to show love to someone else. Several
times, I’ve found myself in an internal debate over whether or not to engage in a nice gesture for someone.
One summer evening, I was cleaning up my lawnmower and other yard equipment
after I had finished mowing our grass. I
was about to put everything away and walk into the house to shower and relax
for the rest of the evening. I looked
across the street and saw the young son of our neighbor struggling to get his
mower started. Clearly he went to the
same lawnmower mechanic school I went to, because he pulled the old “kick-it-and-cuss”
move to attempt to get it going. As I
witnessed him shoving a screwdriver into the mower blade, I thought, “Not only
is this kid mechanically challenged, he’s about to be an amputee.” Then,
like a bee sting, I got nailed by the uncomfortable thought of helping this
kid. A glass of ice water, a warm
shower, and my leather recliner were all in the house urging me, “Come on in,
Champ! Your work is done, so don’t worry
about that kid!” Reluctantly, I pulled
my clean mower out of the shed and pushed it across the street toward my
neighbor’s house. I told my young
neighbor to go ahead and use it, because obviously his mower had bitten the
dust. He was grateful. I turned my back and walked across the
street, still annoyed at myself for this act of benevolence, when I flinched to
the sound of a loud metal “BANG” as my neighbor jacked a large rock or stick
with my lawn mower blades.
As I ponder this interaction now, I understand that I was being obedient to a
Spirit-led urge to “love my neighbor.” This doesn’t make me good, and I’m not
boasting about how “giving” or “neighborly” I am. If anything, I look back and wonder why that was
such an internal wrestling match for me to engage someone in kindness. Why couldn’t I freely give my material
possession with no worry about it being damaged?
During our journey, we often see people who know Simon's story fight different urges right in front of us. People battle urges to ask us how we are doing, or even simply, to say anything at all (likely, fearing they'll say the wrong the thing). I would encourage people who are around someone whom you know is going through intense pain to not avoid asking how they are doing. Even feel free to ask more specific questions about what they are going through. Don’t fear the emotion you might encounter in front of the sufferer. It actually helps lighten the load for the sufferer when they find out that someone else is carrying some pain on their behalf. Your compassion will provide comfort to a lonely, weary traveler.
Just as lending a lawnmower might ease someone's burden, lending a tear or an
encouraging word does the same. We have
been incredibly blessed to have so many people carry this load with us, and we
are forever grateful for that.
I guess the specific lesson Simon has taught me, if I were to sum it up, would
be to be obedient to the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit reveals truths about Jesus and leads us toward sanctification. If we are obedient to our present emotions, and
even to the call to love others, we nourish ourselves and others with holy
fruit. Through this obedient action, we also
hit a pressure release valve that ultimately allows our souls to experience
deeper rest and deeper peace. It also frees us to focus on loving others, rather than being overly self-involved in our grief.
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