A blog about the life of the Balentine family: Adam, Amy, Teddy, Simon, Thomas, Peter and Goldie

Friday, April 18, 2014

Q&A Part 4 (Amy)

Simon is constantly teaching us lessons.  What recent lesson sticks out the most?

Amy's response:
Anyone who knows me knows that I love a well-executed plan.  I love planning.  I enjoy list-making.  I get a sense of accomplishment when I cross out something on my to do list. Sometimes I write tasks down on my to-do list that I’ve already completed just to cross them out! I chose a profession (event planning) that was all about planning!   I have even mapped out my life in my head of how exactly it was going to go – and I can assure you, losing a child before, at or soon after birth was not part of my plan. 


Simon, Simon’s life, and God are all teaching and confirming to me that our plans are not our own.   Not knowing what is to come can make me feel pretty anxious at times.  Some days I can release this anxiety to God through prayer or worship through song, but other days I hold tight to the uncertainty of the future and feel completely despaired.  God knows my weakness in becoming a slave to the unknowns.  He wants to meet me where I am and take this from me.  Each morning I am reminded that He is a whisper away – all I need to do is ask for Him to come near and take my worries.  I have learned there is freedom in releasing all of my cares to Christ.  My constant planning hinders the Lord's work and says to Him that I can do it better.  Which I know is not true.  Being still, allowing him to take full control is my heart's desire. 

While Simon is teaching me to let go of my plans, God is also reminding me that’s ok to celebrate and rejoice in what I can plan.


We have written a birth plan for Simon that we have shared with my OB, the hospital, family, pastor, and our friends who are acting as our birth photographer and videographer.   I have always heard that birth plans are a waste of time – babies come at their own time, in their own way.  By the grace of God, Teddy’s birth plan went exactly to plan.  Writing a birth plan for Simon helps me feel more in control of plans A, B, and C.  Our birth plan includes the most difficult decisions we have ever had to make in our lives.  However, it also includes celebration.  We can’t wait to meet Simon and celebrate him.  Planning the minutes and hours after Simon’s birth has actually been pretty fun for me.  I had two gowns embroidered for Simon that we’ll put on him after Adam gives him his first bath.  He also has an extra soft blanket with his monogram on it.  We will be dedicating Simon to Jesus Christ in a special little ceremony with family and friends that our pastor will lead.  After the dedication, we will have a little birthday party for Simon.  I just picked up the cake last week and it’s really cute.  During my wedding planning days in Chicago, I wrapped many top layers of cakes for brides and grooms to enjoy on their first anniversary, so I am confident my plastic wrapping and deep freezing of this cake will pay off in the delivery room!  We are bringing our family “happy birthday” bunting to hang on the wall.  Teddy has a special "baaaaa" (sheep) that he’ll give to his baby brother.  Simon’s Mimi (Adam’s mom) got Simon a little monkey that has on a Jayhawk shirt, so that will also be one of his first gifts.  I am working with a local stationary shop to design a beautiful birth and celebration of life announcement.  The proof I received this week really honors our sweet little boy.  I love announcements, invitations, and all things paper so designing the announcement has been really special to me.

I am thankful that this journey with Simon is teaching me to call on my God in the anxious unknown moments.  The moments that bring me to my knees, begging God for a few moments with Simon in this life.  This prayer then leads to my bigger prayer, which is to bring Simon home.  How badly I want to bring this sweet boy home with us. To our home first, before he goes to our Heavenly home.  But I know Simon was never ours in the first place.  He, like Teddy and all of us, are entrusted by God to earthly guardians.  We have loving given back both Simon and Teddy to God.  Asking Him to use them as He sees fit – as we try to do daily with our own lives.  I want to bring Simon home and have him experience the happy and the heartache of life on Earth.  However, I continue to find comfort in the fact that because of Christ’s sacrifice, Simon will go sinlessly into our Healer’s arms where he will be made new and perfect.  Not an ounce of suffering will likely be felt by our sweet boy.  Can you imagine a life so perfect?  I’m afraid I can’t wrap my mind around how perfect Heaven is going to be.  I am so thankful for a place that I will eternally spend with Christ and our loved ones. 


I have included images of both yesterday and today’s readings in my daily devotional.  It is not by chance that yesterday’s was about Heaven and today’s was about routines and plans.  God's perfect timing as I wrote today.

P.S.  If you are a parent who is walking a similar journey to us and would like to see our birth plan, please message us as we would be happy to share it with you.



2 comments:

  1. Amy, I've been following your journey for a few weeks now and joining you all in prayer. What a beautiful life God has made in Simon. My heart hurts with you and rejoices too. Your family is an encouragement to me, and I am so grateful for your firm foundation in Him. May He continue to be your comfort, hope, peace and joy in all that lies ahead. Sending you love and prayers from our family...Katie (Eades) Bailey

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  2. Katie (it was great to see your name!!!),
    Thank you for taking the time to read our thoughts and prayers on Simon on our Savior. And for taking the time to write us. Thank you for sharing the heartache with us. Your continued prayers means so much to us.
    Your friend and sister in Christ,
    Amy

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