BALENTINE MEMOIRS

It has been one week since we said goodbye to our sweet Simon.  He’s been gone almost as long as he was breathing on earth.  However, Adam and I met Simon in October.  His life was much longer than a week.  We actually got to spend exactly 250 days with Simon (8 months and 8 days).   Adam’s parents own a cabin in the Ozark area and we are thankful that we have this location to escape to and reflect on life, Simon’s life and how life will be as we continue to take it one step at a time.  While at the cabin, we have been compiling photos and videos of Simon for his memorial.  It’s wonderful to look at image after image of our little boy.  I have uttered the phrase, “he’s so cute!” about a million times.  I said that a lot when he was in my arms too.  Modern technology is a real blessing – what did we do before the iPhone?!  We have thousands of photos of Simon and many videos as well that will forever help us keep his memory fresh ...

We have read the loving words of so many people who have expressed that they grieve and lament the loss of our son with us.  We are so grateful for your words.  While sweet words do provide comfort, they also keep the grief fresh.  But the grief may never leave, anyway, so that’s OK.  We will lament the loss of Simon for the rest of our lives on earth.  In Nicholas Wolterstorff’s book, “Lament For A Son,” he says about his son Eric who died, “If he was worth loving, he is worth grieving over.  Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved.  That worth abides.” One word that comes up quite often in peoples’ messages to us is “inspiration.”  The general theme is that we, or our story, has been inspirational.  There is a lot of power in that word.  But the power of inspiration is only manifested if you are inspired to do something.  You can’t be “inspired” to stay the same.  You can’t be inspired to go back to ya...

7 days and 22 minutes.  That’s not enough time!  But wasn’t it?  How much did Simon accomplish in just 7 days and 22 minutes?  How many lives were touched?  How much joy did he bring to faces?  How much hope swelled in hearts of those who were feeling hopeless?  How many tears were shed in both joy and in grief? We make so many excuses for ourselves with the lack of time we have.  More than I care to admit, I shirk certain responsibilities as a husband, a father and an employee because, “I’m too busy,” or, “I ran out of time.”  If days were able to be stretched to 27 hours long instead of 24, I’m certain I’d have the same excuses as to why I didn’t get things done... despite the fact that I was just given exactly what I complained about not having enough of: more time! We speak of time like it is a God.  Time dictates when we get up in the morning, how long we have to exercise, when we make dinner reservations, if we read that book...

Today will be a sad day, and many more difficult days will follow.  Last night, at 10:17 PM, Amy and I embraced one another, and Simon, as he left this world and was welcomed into Jesus' arms.  The experience of ushering Simon into Paradise was holy and beautiful.  An amazing song shuffled into our playlist as we watched Simon depart from us: " Tribute/ Agnus Dei ."  I now hear a collective groan as we all morn the loss of an amazing, gorgeous and powerful life here on earth.  And the Holy Spirit groans on our behalf. "...The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." (Romans 8:26)  As I write this, rain falls here in Kansas City, appropriately, as so many tears will fall from our faces today. Simon's story is one of victory.  He beat the odds of his diagnosis and held on for exactly 7 days.  He gave us joy and he filled o...

It's time to celebrate - officially at 9:55pm it will be one week since Simon has blessed this Earth.  He is one sweet little fighter.  God has shown us a glimpse of Heaven and I so badly can't wait to see it in it's full glory some day.  Laying eyes on Jesus is going to be unbelievable, isn't it?!   God please cover us in your love and light our path.  Thank you for each minute, each hour, and each day with Simon.  He is beyond loved and we are thankful for your grace. ~Amen Hi!!!  I'm a fighter!  And yes, I do open my eyes! Happy Birthday Sweet Simon ~ One Week Old! We never dreamed we would post this!  You are so Great God!  Thank you!

It was around 6pm on Wednesday, May 14, 2014, that I finally decided to admit I was actually in labor. The contractions were  ramping up in speed and strength .  We packed bags. Adam picked up cheeseburgers at Winstead's (which I couldn't stomach, sadly). And I labored away throughout the house as we prepped to meet Simon.   By 7:30pm or so, Adam and I started to roughly time the contractions - they were coming very quickly.  Teddy was already sleeping over at Adam's parent's house, as we were supposed to have a date night. Adam sent his last text to his parents around 8:53pm, which is around the time we pulled out of our driveway to head to the hospital.  We checked into St. Luke's on the Plaza a little after 9pm.  I was already 8cm.  At that time, Adam sent a text to our good friends, who so sweetly and selflessly offered months ago to be our birth photographer and videographer.  Both of these ladies are sisters in Christ, mo...

I'm thankful for Simon's hair, which is an exact replica of his Dad's. I believe this is yet another glimpse we gain into God the Father's love for us as His Word tells us we are all image bearers of Him. There is a magneticism that draws fathers to their children when they can see themselves in them. It creates an intense desire to protect and provide for this tiny image bearer.  I'm thankful God loves us more intensely than that. I'm thankful Amy doesn't pretend that this isn't hard. The hardest part is knowing we have to give him back. What makes you hold on to every rise-and-fall of Simon's little chest is not knowing when it will stop. I'm thankful for how loving she is, and that her love for me doesn't diminish or become overshadowed in the midst of a trial. I'm thankful for our parents, Simon and Teddy's grandparents, whose spirits have gotten sweeter - like a grape ripening on the vine - right before our eyes. They are footh...