My first public letter to Simon.
This evening marks six months since daddy and I met you face-to-face. I can't believe it's been a half year since we met you - I think it feels so fresh for a few reasons. One is because I will never forget the sound of your cry and the way the weight of your little body felt in my arms. Another reason is because our good friends took video and pictures of your birth and I view those often. Simon, so many people have watched your entrance into the world. The moment was holy, a moment only God can create. We all waited eagerly to hear your first cries. After several minutes we heard your strong voice and it was magic. I was so proud of you. I think anyone who watched your birth has the image forever in their mind and heart. You made a lasting impression sweet boy.
If your big brother could write, he would want you to know that he brings your name up often. Your ashes are in a pretty little wooden box. Before you were born we decided your ashes would stay in Teddy and your nursery on a shelf. One day, not long after you were gone, I decided to bring your box down next to Teddy and me as we read, prayed, sang and rocked before nap. It was sweet having you next to us. It brought back memories of when the three of us spent time together before bedtime every day and night when you were in my tummy. It was one of my favorite times of the day with my two boys. I think you liked it a lot too as you stayed still in my belly during book and singing time. Sometimes you'd kick Teddy during rocking time! I think he was laying on you and you were letting him know you needed some space! After I rocked Teddy, I placed your ashes back up on the shelf to make sure they were safe. However, when Teddy woke he asked that I place your "house," as Teddy calls it, back on his night stand. Anytime I try to move it, Teddy notices. So now, after every nightly prayer, Teddy kisses your "house" and a little picture of you. I am thankful we have this little bedtime ritual.
Your legacy keeps crossing through my mind as we approach your sixth month birthday. It reminds me of one day a few weeks before you were born while at the grocery store. A man about Grandpa's and Papa's age commented on my swollen belly - which safely housed you. He asked when you were expected to be born. I told him your due date and his response was, "As long as he's healthy, that's all that matters." Mommy just smiled at him knowing your body wasn't healthy - and that you might not ever take a first breath. You have shown us, Simon, that all lives are valued no matter sick or healthy. Your legacy is a voice for the unborn. A LOUD voice especially for babies with trisomy or other fatal and unhealthy diagnosis. That makes me so proud. What a legacy my son! You have reminded us that life begins at conception. When a mommy and daddy see those two pink lines, life exist and God is at work. You have taught us hope is found in pain and suffering; that perfect can have 12 fingers and 11 toes; that Christ is sufficient; and that when looking back at your entire story, the beauty far outweighs the tragedy.
Finally, Simon, I have great news for you. You are going to be a big brother too - just like Teddy! I can't believe we are going to have another little baby who's estimated and hopeful due date is the day after you died! Our God has a perfect plan. My hope is that you'll see mommy again before you meet this sweet babe.
I love you so much, Simon. You are loved, you are missed and you will be forever cherished. I'll hold you again soon, sweet boy. Until then, enjoy the Christmas season with Jesus.
I love you,
If you are a parent who has received an unexpected fatal or unhealthy diagnosis about your baby in utero, we would be honored to email, phone, FaceTime, or meet in person with you. Your baby's life is valued. God has a special plan for this life and has chosen you to carry this beautiful child. I promise you, you can walk this journey. I can also promise it will not be easy and it may not have the outcome your heart desires, but it will be life giving and honoring to your baby. Termination is not your only option.
Please contact Amy and Adam at: email@example.com.