BALENTINE MEMOIRS

The urge to cry comes on like an itch.  I believe Amy would agree with that statement.  It has been 9 days since we found out our baby boy Simon had Trisomy 13.   Yesterday we were on a flight on our way back to a place that still feels like home, San Francisco, to heal.  Mollie and Pat's wedding will also be a wonderful time to celebrate this coming weekend.  The amazing food, people and ceremony will be great escapes.   As I shoved a plastic Wal-Mart bag containing our lunch under the seat in front of me on the plane, I thought, "Better not smash Amy's PB&J."  Suddenly a hard swallow, distant thought and penetrating sorrow swept over me.  There's the itch.  I pulled it together.  Amy came back from the "lavatory" and was none-the-wiser to my near mini-cry fest.  I sat there and pondered where this wave of sadness, initiated by a thought of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, came from.  I mapped my s...

This morning I got to hold Teddy as we watched out our front door while the trash truck cruised down our street.  His face shows joy and fascination as the two rough-looking dudes hop on-and-off of the rear of the truck, slinging bags of trash into the back of the rusty, noisy hunk of metal.  Teddy glows when the trash guys catch sight of him through the glass door and waive their grungy, gloved hands to acknowledge him.  The trash men appear be on his short list of heroes.  Grandpa Joe tells Teddy, "There is a lot of money in the trash business."  I'll make sure this is better explained to him when the time is right. One of the toughest things for us to overcome has been the cavalcade of thoughts that come with dreaming about what we, and Simon, will be missing if we do lose him as early as we have been told.  Every day brings a "first" for Teddy.  Soon, we will get to watch Teddy catch his first fish, take his first sw...

Join us in celebrating the name and gender of our beautiful baby! Link to Youtube video

This is a post of my email sent to my band of brothers on January 20, 2014 -- Men, I find it had to believe that my hands are typing this message.  I love each one of you and need your prayers, so that's really what this is about.  Amy and I found out a few days ago that our second child, with whom Amy is 20 weeks pregnant, likely would not live. Today, we received news that our baby has a very rare chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 13.  Trisomy 13 has a 100% fatality rate for children.  This does not pose any additional threat to mothers carrying their babies. We have no idea what the next days or weeks have in store for us.  Amy may be able to carry this baby to full term, or the child might not make it to the normal 40 weeks.  The baby may never breath a breath on this earth, or it may survive for some time.  The only thing we are sure of is that loss and more pain are in our future. We have an over...

January 17, 2014 I am numb. There seems to be a lot of silence around me. My thoughts have been hijacked. Either I'm thinking about the fact that we will be witnessing our second child die in 20 weeks, or I'm just blank...a white flag flapping in the breeze. January 18, 2014 We have incredible peace right now. I know this peace comes from us asking God to take this burden from us. The Bible tells us to lay our troubles down at the foot of the cross. No pain and fear we feel can be as intense and horrifying as what Christ accepted on our behalf. Because we believe this we have courage to face today.

Today, Amy and I are celebrating our 4th anniversary.  I am so very thankful for our marriage.  I love my wife dearly and appreciate that she inspires me to grow every single day.  She brings me so much joy.  Her spirit truly illuminates our home. It seems like we have been looking back and discussing where we were in our relationship prior to being married quite a bit lately.  We have also been talking about our spiritual climb toward knowing God and understanding his Word together over the past 4 years.  As I reflect on this, I tried to come up with some wisdom that has come to me through experience, listening, prayer and reading of Bible scripture.  Here are 10 things I've learned in the last 4 years.  Not an exhaustive list, or a “top” 10 list.  Just 10 things that come to mind as I fill this page. Expecting her to be the source of my happiness sets her up to fail. Speaking gossip to each other causes a slow erosion of our moral fi...

Does Jesus point to the dis-ingenuity of the Pharisees in John 9:40-41?  Or is it something different?  The Pharisees ask Jesus an undoubtedly wisenheimer-ish question when they say, "Do you think we are blind?"  Surely he speaks to something we need to understand when he says to them, "You say you can see, but your sin/ guilt/ blame remains."  After reading "The Message" translation, it seems the Jesus might be pointing to the holy stature and posture that the Pharisees claim to have and outwardly portray to the Jews.  These were men who strictly interpreted Mosaic law and were not to be intellectually or spiritually challenged by some unknown vagabond.  In an earlier passage in John, the Pharisees are quoted to have said to one another about Jesus, "Where does he get his knowledge?  He isn't classically trained in Mosaic/ Old Testament scripture like we are, but he quotes it perfectly."  The truly scary thing to them was not just that Jesus...