The hope of a new baby in our lives has been crushed. Yesterday, amidst signs that there were some irregularities happening with Amy's pregnancy, we set an ultrasound appointment. The signs of trouble came on quickly after the 6-month anniversary of Simon's birth. The baby likely went on to meet Simon about a week ago. I write today on the 6-month anniversary of Simon's death.
As soon as the grainy black-and-white image of the baby came on the screen, I knew. Our baby's lifeless body was scrunched up and motionless - unlike Teddy and Simon who were always playfully moving each time we got a glimpse of them in the womb. Amy cried out in agony from the doctor's table. Pain was unleashed from the deep. Teddy was with us in the ultrasound room, and he looked at me with a concerned but sweet and playful look. His confused eye contact with me was something like I hadn't seen out of him before. He was somehow giving…
Today will be a sad day, and many more difficult days will follow. Last night, at 10:17 PM, Amy and I embraced one another, and Simon, as he left this world and was welcomed into Jesus' arms. The experience of ushering Simon into Paradise was holy and beautiful. An amazing song shuffled into our playlist as we watched Simon depart from us: "Tribute/ Agnus Dei." I now hear a collective groan as we all morn the loss of an amazing, gorgeous and powerful life here on earth. And the Holy Spirit groans on our behalf. "...The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." (Romans 8:26) As I write this, rain falls here in Kansas City, appropriately, as so many tears will fall from our faces today.
Simon's story is one of victory. He beat the odds of his diagnosis and held on for exactly 7 days. He gave us joy and he filled our home with his cri…
Job 1:21 (ESV) And he said, “Naked I came from my
mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave,
and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
On Sunday, November 23 at 12:30am, I delivered a small three inch little boy
weighing just a couple ounces. His frame was perfect. He had ten fingers and
ten toes. We could even tell by sight he was in fact a little boy.
Everything was simply miraculous about him. This tiny
babe took my breath away - I was his mommy. I am burdened with the fact that I delivered and met him all too soon. However, I am thankful God allowed me to birth his
body perfectly which allowed for us to place our eyes on him for the first and
last time. We named this child, our third boy, Thomas Job Balentine. (Job is pronounced with a long "o.") These past two weeks
have been some of the most trying weeks of my life. My faith has wavered
like never before. I have tried to bring it all to the foot of
the cross and asked the f…