With a full heart

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I feel the cool forehead of my son on my lips tonight.  He's gone, but I remember the temperature of the skin above his brow.  He would wrinkle his forehead as if to acknowledge that he recognized my kiss.

We are at 36 + 4 days with our fourth child (on the way).  I suppose Amy and I both are feeling nostalgic longings for Simon right now.  To see him, to hold him.  Valiant and flawed warrior.  Brave until the end.

"Lone Survivor" is on HBO in the hotel room where I sit alone tonight and the dialogue between two of the wounded soldiers I just heard resonates hard with me.  I'll paraphrase it and revise it as if it is a message from Simon.  "If I die, tell mom I love her.  Tell her I died for my brothers.  Tell her I died with a full heart."

There is no progress on this journey, only fading memories.  Yet the fuzzy memories stay laced with enough pain to last a lifetime.

God has been so faithful and so protective of us.  His steadfast love endures forever.

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